Death isn’t a concern to those destined to spend the afterlife on Earth itself. The poetry of Mac Miller smiling at us from up above aside, he never left this planet even when his time came; instead, he morphed into songs that continue to occupy spirits and airwaves to this day.
Three days before what would’ve been his 32nd birthday and exactly five years after his first posthumous album, the late rapper’s estate released Balloonerism. Teeming with lucid abstractions, ornate textures, notable assists from SZA and some of Mac’s most creatively profound lyrics, the LP was recorded back in 2014 and had been tucked away in the vault for over a decade.
Four years later, when the Pittsburg native passed away from an accidental drug overdose, a lot of fans were forced to finally recognize that they had been feeding off his disintegration for the better part of his career. From that day on, there would be a “before” and “after” milestone in the Mac Miller timeline.
The Beginning Of The End For Mac
When something terrible happens, it’s important to try and understand how things got that way. In this case, there was a distinct phase that most would agree was the beginning of the end.
Balloonerism is a key body of work as it marks the onset of a corporeal decline that elevated Mac’s artistic spirit. It was put together around the same time as his Faces mixtape, which now represents a vivid shift in his style wherein he still managed to retain elements of his younger and more playful self.
Paired together, both records have a significance similar to Rubber Soul and Revolver in the Beatles discography — the prior merged the pop-driven sound of the Fab Four with the promise of ’60s psychedelia whereas the latter fulfilled that promise and made it clear that things would never go back to the way they were. An off-center art project that defies hip-hop orthodoxy at every step, Balloonerism cemented his transition from frat-rap star to scruffy wonder boy beaten up by the human experience.
Having previously shown no concern, its tough not to clog up from listening to bars like “I gave my life to this shit, already killed myself” and “Need to let the drugs go / Tryna find heaven, I get high but never come close” on “Do You Have A Destination?” Truth be told, it was tough to look past Mac’s signature smile despite the transparency with which he detailed his struggles with substance abuse, mental health, and mortality: “I went to sleep famous and I woke up invisible / Rich as fuck and miserable.”
A few tracks down, on “Stoned,” he sings: “I swear to god heaven feels just like home / Let’s go home.” Since he was always so bold about recognizing his proximity to the end, a lot of fans never quite realized that they were witnessing a slow death on record.
Mac’s deteriorating state, especially at the time, was rarely discussed in the hip-hop community because people tend to fixate on what “alright” looks like. The positivity he radiated, in hindsight, ended up working against him.
“Just always had a smile on his face,” Kendrick Lamar said about his friend and collaborator a few days after his premature demise. “And that’s something that I commend … no matter what he was going through, he didn’t make you feel sorry for him.”
This is precisely why it was so easy being oblivious to Mac’s failed attempts at staying afloat, even as he poured his heart and soul into the music everyone enjoyed free of tension for so long. Prior and subsequent albums also exhibit themes that we now deem “signs,” but Balloonerism (as well as Faces) was perhaps as crystalline as it ever got.
Lines such as “I only meet peace when in deep sleep” and “I wonder if He’ll take me to the other side” from “Funny Papers” (arguably the most compelling song on the tracklist) make it clear that he had started designing music for an abrupt exit after a certain point in his life.
His self-awareness was painfully prophetic, and it hurts to think that his death wasn’t a surprise after all. Yet, his comfort with passing on was strangely reassuring too, as evident from the album’s closing track: “‘You wonder when God will just listen and give you a break / And He says, ‘See, living and dying are one and the same.’”
A Legacy Handled With Warmth & Care
Balloonerism is an early entry in a catalog that evolved rapidly in a short time span and culminated in an inconclusive end at its peak. Different uploads of the colorful package have lurked in cyberspace over the years, constantly being taken down and put back up again, but always ripe with comments about the part it played in helping listeners mature. For fans of K.I.D.S, since they were kids, it’s a heartbreaking experience because such stark traces of Mac’s signaled demise will live on as some of his greatest work.
A relationship with his music feels like a relationship with him, which is why his absence stings even all these years later. For many, this might even be the last time they listen to a Mac Miller album for the first time. Fortunately, the “after” phase of his timeline is in good hands as his family continues to raise the bar for how to handle someone’s legacy with warmth and care.
