The artist currently known as Drake once said, “Can’t let this one slide, ayy (Who’s bad?)” and that really resonated with me. This is a complete lie. For this week I initially had plans to talk about season two of FX’s The Bear. However, as fate and perfectly timed Drizzy Poetry would have it, I saw The Flash in theaters, and I cannot let this one slide (ayy).
The long-awaited continuation of the Detective Comics Extended Cinematic Universe has finally arrived, and boy, do I have some qualms. Let us talk about The Flash, but first this is a spoiler warning.
The Long Wait
It is no secret that the production and build up for this movie has been rocky, to say the least. There came a point when it felt as if every other day there was something that threw everything off just a bit more. As news circulated about this movie, my expectations were pretty low. Come Super Bowl Sunday and we got the first trailer and it all looked really promising.
Fast forward to release and it seems to get some mixed reviews. That is totally cool with me, and it did not sway me. By this point I was still pretty excited for this despite these mixed receptions and some thoughts on the CGI. Whatever this movie brings me I will be ready for.
As long as I am having fun, without a CGI induced migraine, and leaving the theater pleased then everything is okay by me.
Lightning Quick Disappointment
My movie experience began with no trailers and that dampened everything just a hair. Overall, it is not a factor on how I feel about the movie, but it hurt my experience and made me sad. Despite that disappointment, that was not even what really let me down.
The first few minutes were great! A light but anxious tone was set. The Flash is getting ready to run when a fan interrupts him and the title credits, then he is off. Everything is good so far. The Flash arrives at the scene of the crime and saves the maternity ward. Fun stuff here.
A cool chase takes place and it’s all going well and good and Wonder Woman is here. Now Barry is back to Barry, everything is cool and flashy, but I did not feel anything. By this point nothing is bad, but there is nothing grabbing me emotionally.
Ezra Miller (Left) as The Flash, Ezra Miller (Center) as The Flash, and Sasha Calle (Right) as Supergirl in the 2023 film The Flash. Image provided courtesy of Warner Bros. Studios.
That is basically what my main issue with this film is and where the disappointment comes from: a lack of emotional connection. Never would I wish for a movie to be so bad that I am angry, but I honestly would have taken something that made me angry.
Suicide Squad is bad and ugly, but it is not boring. Black Adam is a mess and is bad, but at no point is it boring. Justice League is both bad and boring. That offends me personally. The Flash is entertaining and decent, but it is a bit boring after a while.
Saving the Day (Good Stuff)
There is a bunch of neutral and negative stuff on its way, but I did not completely dislike The Flash so let us talk about some stuff that worked well.
Firstly, this cast is stacked. I loves me a good ensemble cast, and I especially loves me one with Michael Shannon (Knives Out) in the group. Regardless of how I felt about his interpolation of General Zod in Man of Steel, it was nice to see him back. That is another big strength this movie has. Its ability to make me appreciate seeing characters that either sucked in a previous movie that I was not too hot on, or they did not exist at all is an admirable quality for me.
Adding onto the things that I do not typically like but did this time; despite my never-ending love for Jack White and all of his projects, I do not love The Raconteurs. I have never been able to put my finger on why, but they are not my thing. With that said, I really liked the use of Salute Your Solution in this. While the frenetic chaos unfolded the song played perfectly in tune with everything. Basically, this whole soundtrack sounded pretty good to me, and it all flowed pretty nicely.
Ezra Millers as Barry Allen aka The Flash in the 2023 film The Flash. Image provided courtesy of Warner Bros. Studios.
Ignoring all of the controversies for a minute and looking at this as a DC movie alone, I do think this movie needed to come out. Is it The Dark Knight of the DCEU? Absolutely not. However, with everything going on here I think these are the ideas and directions that DC needs to be moving in. I never thought I would call Shazam an influential movie, but seeing how it has managed to shift the tone of the DCEU makes everything slightly more consumable. The Flash has a decently consistent tone with a good balance of jokes and “normal” tone. Interpret that how you will.
Let’s talk about Keaton.
The Bat Man (and his Friends)
The 1989 Batman film has become too silly for me, but I really loved Batman Returns so much more. Knowing that Michael Keaton would reprise his role as Batman was either going to hit or miss me by miles. I’m happy to report he was my favorite character in this. While there was nothing inherently great about Keaton’s performance, I did find myself having the best times when he was doing his damn thang (his thangy thang).
For a moment I forgot Sasha Calle would be in this as Kara El aka Super Girl and that worked out great. I thoroughly enjoyed her in this and genuinely hope to see her again in future projects in this role.
Michael Keaton as Batman in the 2023 film The Flash. Image provided courtesy of Warner Bros. Studios.
Getting Struck by Lightning (Bad Stuff)
Initially I planned to have a section for things I had a neutral opinion on. The more I wrote it and rewrote it the more it all just made sense as stuff I did not like. Firstly, the performances ranged from average to forgettable. While yes, I liked Keaton and Calle in their respective roles, I can’t say they did a good acting. “But this is a superhero movie,” you say. “Ha ha ha yuuuup,” I say in response to that information. Now let us talk about Ezra Miller.
They were not terrible, however there were several moments where I found myself wanting literally anyone else on screen. Acting with yourself is a challenge that I acknowledge, yes, but to begin with I was not much of a fan of Miller as Barry Allen. Having two of them in this was not the most fun I have had at the movies. The skintight latex suit also looks weird but that is not anything that really affected my experience. I just wanted to mention that it is an eye sore.
Speaking of eye sores: The CGI. While I did not entirely hate it nor dislike it with every fiber of my being, I do not think it looked good. The excuse “This is what Barry sees in the Speedforce” absolutely does not work here. My brain can’t even find a way to justify why it could look like this and it be okay. Rubber babies and elastic Michael Shannon? Are you for serious?
Michael Shannon returning as General Zod in the 2023 film The Flash. Image provided courtesy of of Warner Bros. Studios.
I could not find a clean segue into this, but I loathe when movies remove the protagonists’ abilities. It did not work in this, and I will never understand why writers and directors think it is a good idea to transfer or remove superpowers. Spider-Man 2 did it and it worked, but it should not be done again. Transferring the speed abilities from the experienced Flash to the uneducated Flash was a decision that immediately made me role my eyes. A solid few minutes, as well as some of the plot could have been eliminated if that was skipped. Any ways let’s talk about something else.
Masks Should Give You Personality
It baffles me that despite these super beings with eccentric personalities and unique personal upbringings the writers managed to only give each character a quippy personality. To make these matters worse, no one is funny. I think I laughed once or twice but I could not tell you what got to me.
Before the movie there were somehow no trailers, only commercials. There was a BJ’s Wholesale Club commercial in this mix. In this, a guy farts in a crowded elevator and uses that as a conversation point to talk about BJ’s low gas prices. That is funny and I can’t stop thinking about that. Aside from a silly little pillow fort sequence, there is nothing memorably funny about The Flash.
Rant About the Higher Powers
A lot of jokes also heavily rely on Hollywood inside trivia. For example, Eric Stoltz was initially Marty McFly in Back to the Future before they dropped him in favor of Michael J. Fox. In The Flash it popped up a bit and it got annoying pretty quickly. There were negotiations at a certain point for a Superman movie directed by Tim Burton starring Nicolas Cage. That is why we got a cool little cameo from the Cagester.
Ezra Miller (Left) as The Flash, Sasha Calle (Center) as Supergirl, and Ezra Miller (Right) as The Flash in the 2023 film The Flash. Image provided courtesy of Warner Bros. Studios.
I believe there is another example, but it is slipping my mind right now. So, this is more of an overarching problem I have with multiversal movies. I am really not a fan of using other dimensions as an excuse for a quick pop. It is cheap and lazy, in my opinion, and yeah, I would be a hypocrite if I did not admit I do enjoy it, but ten seconds of excitement is not worth the sacrifice for a quality movie.
The Flash Directed by Andy Muschietti
The Flash is all over the place. At the end of the day, it is so hard for me to say whether this is a good movie or not. I do not love it, but I definitely do not hate it. Good times were had, boring times happened, and bad times were at the El Royale. I do not see myself watching ever again and that is probably for the best. I am comfortable saying the things I liked were good for now and I want to keep it that way. The Flash is a 4/10.
