You couldn’t keep me out of the theatre to see Heart Eyes opening day. When I was six, I watched my first horror movie with my mom. Terrible parenting decisions aside, it stands as the best memory I have about my late mother. We watched the ’90s classic Scream starring Drew Barrymore, Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and David Arquette and it is still my favorite film. And maybe it’s no surprise that the slasher sub-genre of horror is my favorite type of movie to sit down and enjoy and a movie theatre. So when a new Valentine’s Day slasher set in Seattle was announced, nostalgic neurons in my brain revved up like a Texas Chainsaw Massacre chase scene.
Heart Eyes Review: Warning! Spoilers Ahead
With a tight 97-minute run time the movie gets right to it by introducing the obnoxious opening victims. Two cheeseballs reenacting a canned marriage proposal and their photographer all get the axe, or machete rather, quickly. The Heart Eyes Killer (H.E.K.) has an array of deadly gadgets at his disposal. A mini crossbow with collapsable arrows, brass-knuckle machete, hunting knife, and throwing knives (my personal favorite.) H.E.K. is almost presented like some kind of Batman villain with the level of tech and bravado on display.
With the opening kills out of the way, you get a H.E.K. news footage montage recapping the killer’s spree around the country and announcing his arrival in Seattle. This is when the movie’s tone settles in and you’re either going to hate it or love it. A truly awesome blend of romantic-comedy (rom-com) and slasher movie tropes. The film never hides the fact that it’s a comedy and what a good choice. Slasher movies and rom-com’s are both steeped in cheese so the tone works pretty well once you settle in.
Heart Eyes Pros & Cons
Heart Eyes Cons
The writing and acting don’t always land and the cheesey romance stuff was a bit much, particularly during the first date scene, which might turn off viewers early who aren’t rom-com fans or waiting for the knife to drop on the next victim. Luckily the bad stuff is few and far between a lot of good stuff.
I thought the killers may have been too obvious to figure out. Every great slasher is also a mystery/detective film at its core. As the audience, you want to try and figure out who the killers are and you always hope you get their identity right when the killers pull their masks off in the third act. Maybe the movie didn’t disguise the killers’ identities well, maybe that was a creative choice by the director or maybe I’ve seen so many slasher movies that I pick up stuff general moviegoers won’t, I don’t know, but it was pretty obvious.
Heart Eyes Pros
Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding are awesome. They balance the laughs and the scares well. Gooding picks up where he left off in Scream VI, he’s a glowing leading man in the horror genre and I hope he gets chased by masked killers for years to come.
The pacing is great. After the first date scene and act two starts it doesn’t let up. From the merry-go -round chase scene to the police station sequence, it’s all fantastic. H.E.K. hunting his victims in the dark with heart-eye thermal goggles was an incredible touch.
This leads into the drive-in sequences which are awesome and features a tire iron used in one of the most brutal ways in horror movie history. There were lots of great shots of H.E.K. hacking people up with the Seattle skyline in the background and it was absolutely wonderful.
Heart Eyes is the most unserious movie in the best way possible, it’s funny, charming, creepy, and gory. It was a great blend of genres, paying homage to both while still doing its own thing.
The most important part of a slasher film are the kills and overall, the kills are awesome. The filmmakers struck a nice balance between over-the-top stuff and keeping others subtle, but still absolutely brutal. The most over-the-top kill has to be in the opening when H.E.K. turns a poor bride-to-be into wine by smashing her in a grape press. The best kill was when Jay (Mason Gooding) took one of H.E.K.’s arrows and stabbed it right through his cheek and out of his nose. He then stumbles over a table filled with candles that melt his head with molten candle wax. It’s always satisfying seeing the killer get whacked with his gear.
I’ll give Heart Eyes a 8.5/10. Outside of a few scenes where the tone and the writing whiffs pretty hard, it’s on point. It hits all the best beats of a good slasher movie and a fun straight-to-DVD romantic comedy. A banger of a film for date night, go see it in the theatre.
