We stopped in Ellensburg to get coffee at Winegars before we made the trip back west. Crushing the last hard cider with dilated pupils in the Winegars lobby before ordering my coffee is the only way to end such a weekend. A weekend at the Gorge filled with Franzia bag slaps, Souza bottle pulls, hacky sack with the boys, broken tents, floor drugs, and bass bunnies. Alchemy Tour at the Gorge was an absolute party.
Pre-Rave Shenanigans
The crew all met at the George gas station under the cover of darkness. During these things, you can always count on one group being too early and one being at least an hour late. While we waited for the lolly-gaggers, I cracked a White Claw tall boy in the parking lot, it’s too cold to stand in a dark truck stop sober. Once everyone showed up, we made the quick jaunt to the Gorge campground, cracked open the first beers, broke out the flashlights and set up camp in the dark. There was only one problem, I didn’t bring the right poles for my tent. However, they were the only tent poles I have. The only thing I can assume is I lost the correct tent poles during my last festival bender… but I digress.
After bending the wrong poles into place until we had to tape them to stay together, the sad tent was propped up just enough to sleep in, so we called it good and set the rest of the camp up. It didn’t take long for someone to break out a box of Franzia wine for a classic game of slap the bag. For those who don’t know what this debauchery is: You take the bag of wine out of the Franzia box, hold it above your head, slap the shit out of it, open the nozzle, and swallow as much as you can. The bag went around the circle until brownouts start surfacing. I, however, promptly went to bed to avoid the cursed cheap wine hangover that plagued most of the camp the following day.
Festival Prep
Festival prep is the time spent before you go into the festival, and it might be the best part of the experience. Breakfast burritos and drinks, reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas in the sunshine with the aid of some psilocybin is good way to get into the rave spirit. Pink clouds and shimmering foothills escorted me back into my tent for a mid-morning nap to gather my remaining wits for the rest of the day.
Around mid-afternoon, you can feel the energy in the campground pick up. The speakers get louder, barbecues are fired up, and people start getting dressed in anything from banana rompers and unicorn onesies to bass bunnies with nothing on but fishnets, bikini bottoms, and pasties. People watching at a festival campground provides one of the simple joys in life. Another simple joy of this year’s festival prep was an unexpected hacky sack circle. A group of random bros will never bond faster than over a few well-polished hacks and a couple of Twisted Tea bag slaps (Franzia box wine can suck it).
Set Breakdowns
T-minus one hour till showtime. The hack circle disbanded, outfits were adorned, road beers packed, and the walk to the eventual Live Nation line SNAFU has begun. Live Nation still can’t figure out how to make lines work. They’ll say it because of the bag check, which I’m all for to keep everyone safe. However, how many festivals at the Gorge are plagued by hour-plus lines? The answer is all of them. There has to be a better way to organize a line. Whether its designating loading zones like an airplane to keep everyone from coming at the same time or anything else. I see no reason why a festival with a third of the size of larger events like Paradiso has to suffer from the same problems. Luckily, Adderall prescriptions flow through festival campgrounds like the Columbia River and it makes long lines incredibly bearable.
The lineup featured Glitch Mob, a back-to-back set with Slander and Nghtmre, and finished off with Seven Lions. Overall the production was amazing. The sound was on point and not too loud. Each artist had an incredibly unique visual display, but there were some odd musical choices, especially from the Nghtmre and Slander’s set. While their production was sound, the transitions between songs were rocky and all over the place in general. In my opinion, the transitions should be hidden throughout the entire set, taking me on an extended journey through laser and sound. When one song just stops and the other starts like your friend unplugged your phone from the aux cord, it completely takes you out of the zone.
All the while the DJ’s are just shouting at us through the microphone, I think it takes away from the potential serenity a great electronic set can bring. Nghtmre and Slander showed a ton of potential as joint performers, but it was a little clunky from my perspective. That being said it was still an incredibly fun set despite my criticism. It wouldn’t surprise me if they get their set hammered out for the rest of the Alchemy Tour’s stops. Then, Seven Lions stormed the stage and ended the night on such a high. Incredible production, crispy transitions, and an amazing live-action visual presentation that was part fantasy and part science fiction. For an artist known for trance, he threw down a bass-laden set that really capped the night in a wonderful way.
Post Alchemy Tour Revelry
The walk back to the camp is usually a slow-moving heard of human cows, coming down from their respective party favors. Sometimes it’s filled with pleasant surprises, like floor drugs. I don’t advise anyone to take random drugs you find on the floor. However, when a beautiful bass bunny climbs in my busted tent to share said floor drugs with her, who am I to deny such a wonderful gift from the universe?
The Alchemy Tour came to a blissful end with the night’s music stuck in my head and drifting off in a warm sleeping bag with the sunrise’s first rays peaking through my tent.
All in all, these smaller festivals are a welcome experience compared to Paradiso’s heat stroke filled cluster fuck. The people were cool and the temperatures were cooler. The Alchemy Tour resurrected my love for festivals and brought 2019’s festival season to a euphoric close.
